When I startedthis blog in July 2012, I had a fairly clearvision of what my life would looklike in 2016. I wassureI’dbea rock solid 4.0 USTA league competitor by now, rapidly closing in on a4.5 rating. I expected to be in the best shape of my life, training 6days a week on court and off. I was confident I’d beupdating this blog with new posts every few weeks, sharing the ups and downs of my training with fellow tennisaholics around the globe.Andall signs were pointing towards leadingan effortlessly balancedlife, where I was alsoenjoying amplequality time withfamilyandfriends andmaking a tangible difference in the world through my professional work with the Corporate Eco Forum to advance sustainability.
As Woody Allen famously said:“If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.”
2016 looks radicallydifferent than I imagined: My on-court progress has beenstalled for months. Myfitness is good, but nowhere near the elite levelI had expected. I managed to penonly fournew postsin 2014 and threein 2015. I’m constantlystruggling to keep up withtheworkload of essentially two full-time jobs.
And yet, life has never felt richerormore fulfilling.
Ironically, the main reason I’m only inching towards 4.5 these days isbecauseof tennis, which opened up anew road intouncharted territory I couldn’t resist exploring.
The bigdetour started in late 2012, when I set out toturn mydream of creating a“Tennis Congress” for fellow serious adult amateurs like myself.
It’s comical in retrospect how relativelyeasy I thought it would be to realize that dreamwhilestill holding down my full-time sustainability work, keeping up with my own training, and leading a balanced life.
“I don’t have kids,” I reasoned toothers (and myself), “which frees me up toraise a different kind of baby for the next few years.”
Thank goodness forthat naive optimism, for if I had any clue the trials and tribulations that were in storeI almost certainly wouldn’t have had the courageto embarkon the journey.
Thesmooth path I expected quickly turned into a roller coaster ride. Despite the idea quickly gaining traction withcoaches andserious adult amateurs alike, it soon became clear that achievingmyvision for a truly“world-class” experiencewould require a far greater investment of money and time than I originally imagined. Which presented mewith another big fork-in-the-road moment: either significantlyscale backmy vision and play it safe; or stay true to the vision, with the faith that somehowit would all work out in the long run.
Beinga stubborn Taurus, I chose the latter.But the implications were significant. Wehad to move inwith familyfor two years to make ends meetfinancially. My routine workweekstretched to 70+ hours and free weekends disappeared. My sleep was interrupted byfrequent 3am panic attacks, myovercrowded mind filled with anxiety.
Another casualty was my own on-court training, which I needed to scale back significantly both because oftime and financial constraints. I went from playing 4-5 times a week to a single 90-minute weekly practice session with my coach Brian. That once-a-week appointment on court became sacred:itbrought me a measure ofcomfort, escape, and joy that only other fellowplayers couldfully understand. And because my practice was always deliberate and focused, even thisrelatively small investment of practice time produced dividends: I keptimproving steadily, albeit a bit more slowly than before.
Then last December, a majorroadblock appeared that would put a complete haltto my on-court training.
Aftermonths of increasingly disconcerting wrist pain, an MRI revealed a cartilagetear in my dominant wrist(a “TFCC” tear, which is similar toa meniscus knee tear). Turns out it was due to a fall backwards months prior that never properly healed, butmy relentless drive to have a bigmodern forehand had made things worse.
The prognosis: I’d besidelined for at least6months to recover properly.
The news hit hard at first. I viewedthat singularweekly practice time as alynchpin for preserving my mental health in the face of unrelenting pressure off court.And while I’m usually the eternal optimist about these things — and found some consolation in mygeneral outlook on injuries— theprospect of losingtennis completely at this particularly stressful momentreally stung.
But thenfunny thing happened only a couple weeks later:I actually began feelinga sense of relief.
I had been runningat such a furious pacefor three years straight, and realized something needed to give. But I had been unwilling to prioritize – so I just kept trying to do everything. My body had made the decision for me.
In the weeks thatfollowed, my forced time off also promptedme to reflect in new ways on the meaning of tennis in my life, on what’s most important in life, and onmy priorities.
Here are the big takeaways (I’m writingthis down for myself perhaps more than anyone else):
(1)As deeply rewarding as it’s been to achieve hard-earnedprogress in my own game, those rewards pale in comparison to those I’ve received in the process of trying to help others.Servicehas been a powerful motivator for me since high school,and my career decision to focus on sustainability was rooted intrying to help safeguard a healthy planetfor future generations. The unexpected detour to start The Tennis Congress has opened up new means for metomake a tangibledifference in other people’s livestoday.It’s been nothing short of magical to watch the positive ripple effects of bringing together athletes, coaches, and industry leaders united bypassion for tennisand a beliefin the power of our sportto transform lives. And nothing makes my heart race faster than thinking about the possibilities of having even greater impact in the yearsahead. Renewed focuson my purpose in life has put my own goals to become a 4.5+ player in perspective: Yes,I will keep striving and I’m confident I’ll eventually get to 4.5– but I’m much more relaxed about the pace. Focusing more on helping others achieve their goals enables me to ease up and enjoy the process of my own training even more.
(2)Good relationships arethe most important thing in life – but protecting themrequires constantattention andinvestment.We’ve all heard wise elders tell us to avoid repeatingtheir mistake of failing to invest sufficiently in relationships with family and friends who are dear to us. Yet it’s so easy to lose perspective whenwork-related demands and other commitmentsspiral out of control. Weeksor even months havegone by beingso “busy” that I’vefailed to realize I’ve begun totakeprecious relationships for granted and putthem at risk. Thanks to the combination of detours and roadblocks over the past couple years, my “Road” now includes a permanent “warning” sign ready toflash yellow when priorities start getting skewed.
(3)Myability to helpothers will besignificantly reducedif Idon’t take good care of my self.Last fallmywisefriend and colleague Feisal Hassan told me quite plainly: “P.J., you haveto put your oxygen mask on first before helping others.” It wasn’t the first timesomeoneofferedadvicealong these lines, but Feisal’s characteristically directcommunication style made an indelible impact. Since then, I’ve createdsome new habitsthat have become life-changing:
- I started meditating every morning before starting my day– just 10 minutes(using guided meditations froman app called “Calm“) butit’s been transformative in helping me keep my eye on the big picture.
- I made an afternoon ritual of taking my dog Mila to the park for an hourevery day (as opposed to the previous practice of working through lunch, relying on dog walkers I couldn’t afford, and confining play time with Mila to short bursts of fun before going back to work); the result is greater happiness for both her and her dad.
- I’ve made nutrition a top priority, applying advice I’m trained to give to others but for years have been “too busy” to abide by myself (I’llpost withdetails this summer).
- I schedulethree seriousworkouts on my calendar each week andschedule work around them; without fail, almost every time I have to drag myself away from my desk to do them and fear that urgent work won’t get done — thenwithout fail, every time I’m done I realize my work will be far better as a result.
- Finally, and most importantly,I keepworking on my “story” as my friend (and former World #1 in the 55s) Bob Litwin urges me to do (see his recently published bookLive the Best Story of Your Life: A World Champion’s Guide to Lasting Change“).My new story begins with “I am in control of my life…” which helps me remember no matter what external pressures I’m experiencing or how out of control I’m feeling, I can choose tore-focus and re-prioritize based on my life purpose and most importantrelationships. Here’s mycurrent story:
“I am in control of my life. I live each day gratefully and effortlessly.I believe in myself – my ability to rise to any challenge, overcome any obstacle, be who I want to be. I embrace obstacles of all kinds as opportunities to learn and love problem solving. I begin each day with 10 minutes of meditation to improve my ability to be mindful and present in all circ*mstances. Each day I walk slowly and breathe deeply. I am a master of time management and embrace the 80/20 principle in work and life, which focuses me on what really matters and enables me to get an extraordinary amount of things done while enjoying life extraordinarily. I treat my body as the temple that it is, making a priority to care for it with great care. I treat others the way I would like to be treated. Most importantly, I am a great partner, relative, colleague, and friend to those closest to me, recognizing that meaningful relationships are absolutely the most important foundation of a life well lived.”
So this is all basically a long way of saying… I’m feeling pretty Zen about my own progress happening more slowly than I expected. Do I miss my time on court practicing with coaches and friends? Absolutely. Do I sometimes get down aboutnot being able to play much right now?You bet.
ButI’ve been comforted knowing that tennis will always be there waiting for me, like an old friend, when I’m ready to step back on the court. Which, hopefully, will be very soon…
And thanksto the diversions on my tennis journey,mylifedestination has never been more clear.In short,my“Road to 4.5” itself has proven to be a detour itself along a longer, more significant road:
The“Road to a life well lived.”
